He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
