i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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