I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
