My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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