so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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