So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
