I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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