Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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