And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
