goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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