For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
