Kareoke will never be a sober sport
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
