What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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