Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
All the doctor said was why
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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