Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
