Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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