That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
