im about as happy as oj after his trial
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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