dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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