Yo dont text me then not text me
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
if only i could text you this smell
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
