do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Drunk is not a location!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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