Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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