i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
