At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We need a shit load of segways right now
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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