All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
