You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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