Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
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She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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