I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
