Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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