I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
