I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
