So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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