what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
