whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
