I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
