i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
