the new term for farting is butt boxing.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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