she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
