Is it because I queefed?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i think im in europe. pls send help
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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