suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
