i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
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I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Boobs are out for the taking
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All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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