i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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