I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
