He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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