Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
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i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
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Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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