happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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