you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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