The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
