He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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