There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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