dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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