My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
