Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
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Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
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I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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