obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
