she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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