the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
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Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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