Your tits are I can't wait for
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
