VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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