He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The air was thick with penises
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
