so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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