I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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