and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
