Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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