So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
