i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
