...so i touched it.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
